Some (small, personal) Breakthroughs
- Last weekend, it finally, finally, finally dawned on me what my love language is: Quality Time. I’ve always considered words of affirmation as mine because I work with words and am good with it and I like hearing it, but was never convinced. Last weekend, it dawned on me that time might just be it.
It isn’t so much about time as attention but more like time as space— freedom to move and to be. Time given to be together. I don’t know, it might sound like the bare minimum but I think it says a lot when someone makes time for you.
2. Finally reached that point of truly understanding that “everything changes.” Everything —trends, interests, even strength, beliefs, and resolve — changes! Ha ha. This is why, I think, rigidity and strict protocols make me uncomfortable. Why, when sticking to what’s “tried and tested” (especially at work) don’t always work for me. I know, it’s a simple thing and one I should’ve understood a long time ago but I’m really that dense that I needed a pandemic to understand this. Glad I’m here, though.
3. “Sit with it” is one of those things we hear a lot these days, but mygod how difficult it is to do! I compare it to enduring a bad high or grappling to find an anchor so you don’t go over the edge. It’s fucking difficult. These days, “sitting with it” for me means sitting with my anger, with my confusion, with anything negative, instead of forcing a resolution, chasing understanding, or insisting on good vibes only. What a challenge.
4. Finally got a better understanding of the phrase “feeling close.” I mean, sure, I use it on people who aren’t my friends but act like we are. What I don’t understand about it is when friends use it about friends, especially those from the same friend group. For me, you’re friends!
But alas, it’s not always the case, especially when you’re in middle age. A friend from high school brought it up nicely when she said marriage defines such friendships. “I know I’m close to a person if I can tell that person of my marital problems,” she said. It makes sense, doesn’t it? Personally though, I couldn’t though find an application of it because hehe I’m not married (yet). It was the book “Intimacies” by Katie Kitamura that really drove home the point for me. I can’t recommend this book enough.
5. I’ve been thinking of values like I never have since the AAJA fellowship and it’s nice, I think. I’ve uncovered a few more, which I’m gonna let myself be guided by. I can only hope life will soon follow through.
6. You really can only meet people where they are. I used to think you could charm people off if you wanted to. Or, you know, there was the option of reading between the lines. But at 41, I really have no bandwidth to this anymore. And I really can’t care any more. That’s what they say they are, eh ‘di sige. Don’t wanna be friends with me? Eh ‘di ‘wag. You say you’re perfectly fine? Eh ‘di no excuse for that bad behavior.
